Random Ranting…

Warning: May contain locusts

Posted on: September 8, 2009

I’ve always thought of myself as a tolerant and forgiving person. I can admit if I make a mistake and most of the time I would rather swallow my pride and apologise to someone I’ve had an argument with even if I thought they should be the one apologising. This is because normally, being friends with that person and making sure they’re happy is more important to me than pride or arguing over who’s right and wrong.

But I will not beg someone to make an effort with me.

I guess I’m too naiive when it comes to human nature – I’ve always thought people strived to make friends, to be nice, to work things out… I forget that some people cause arguements for the sake of it, are nasty and horrible to people just because they can be, and walk all over people who only wanted to know one thing… Why me?

It’s not the first time that someone has fallen out with me and I hadn’t even been aware of it. I see those times as being temporary ‘breaks’ where we’re not as close as we were but I always just assume that things will sort themselves out sooner rather than later and I never have hostile thoughts about them, I just fail to understand whats happening. It’s not until it gets thrown back in my face that I realise I must have done something wrong, because the people I thought I had just temporarily drifted away from – through no fault of my own or theirs – aren’t thinking the same way as I am. They seem to view the time apart as us falling out (I’d always believed that to fall out there had to be an arguement, a trigger, a catalyst, a REASON) and over time they become hostile and all hope of things ever going back to how they were are demolished along with all sense and reason.

I thought if I had done something wrong to someone they would have the sense and decency to tell me… that they’d care enough about our friendship that they’d actively do something to keep it together (if I had thought there was something wrong with our friendship I would like to think I would have been doing that very thing). What hurts the most is when they’re so quick to give it all up, when you apparently stop being friends and there wasn’t even an arguement to try and save it, no clash of opinions, no side of an argument to withhold, no explanation… It’s like one day they decided that being your friend wasn’t all it was cracked up to be, and they just dropped you in the gutter and didn’t even offer you the remorse of looking back over their shoulder. They simply kept on walking as if they hadn’t even realised they were carrying anything in the first place, least of all that they had carelessly and cruelly discarded it…

While the preverbial knife is in my preverbial back it is sickeningly twisted when I move my attention to the smaller details of it all – the double life of it all, to tell me that I’m not worth their time anymore, whilst they spend their precious time – so precious that they have to negate against those not worthy of it – with people who they had previously explained were NOT worthy of their time, they had made it perfectly clear that these individuals wouldn’t even make the guestlist if the rivers were turning to blood, and the world was filling itself with swarms of frogs, lice, locusts, eternal darkness and the death of the firstborns…

Well I’m bored of playing nice.

Fire + Ice

Some say the world will end in fire,
Some say in ice.
From what I’ve tasted of desire
I hold with those who favor fire.
But if it had to perish twice,
I think I know enough of hate
To say that for destruction ice
Is also great
And would suffice.

R. Frost

Have a song that is subtly linked, The Killers – Andy, You’re A Star http://blip.fm/~d0ehg Enjoy!

1 Response to "Warning: May contain locusts"

who’s fallen out with you for no reason?

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